Housecleaner Wanted, Bring Own Fire and Brimstone

And lo! In the East, it came to be that Sodom and Gomorrah that had been so destroyed arose in Cambridge and New Haven. There, the sins of socialism and environmentalism and elitism were practiced openly and to the exclusion of all other religions.

And spew forth their evil did they, with presidents and czars and advisors and ambassadors and secretaries and First Ladies, and they did flaunt their sinfulness wherever they went. They rent the fabric that is America and spat upon it. They defiled and corrupted all that they came in contact with.

In these once-godly lands racism was not only practiced but taught. The evil prophets Saul Alinsky, Che Guevarra, Fidel Castro, Mao Tse-tung, Vladimir Lenin, Karl Marx, Jimmy Carter were revered. All others were silenced. The righteous were silenced or forced to flee.

And God looked upon Harvard and Yale and said, These are dens of iniquity that are unholy in My sight. I will destroy them utterly. They take children and corrupt them. They turn them against their parents, against their country, and against their god. I will rain down upon them fire and brimstone and kill all who have been touched by them.

But the Angel of Mercy asked God if there were not any righteous souls at all. And God replied, You are right. There is one.

And lo, a messenger went to the Twin Loci of Evil and appeared at the Cambridge Police Department. Come with me quickly, the angel said, and do not look back, lest you be turned into a bottle of beer.

And when the angel set him down at a safe distance from the conflagration, God did unleash a storm from hell. He cut off all government insured student loans, all government grants, and all government contracts. And all their alumni were forbidden to ever serve in government service for all time.

And there was much weeping and wailing within the blackened walls of Harvard and Yale.

But much rejoicing everywhere else.